Anxiety is a scary thing. It's constantly overthinking every situation, every aspect of life and trying to figure out what you did wrong. It's not wanting to be in social situations because you are afraid of embarrassment or judgement. It's feeling like you don't have any friends because you are too scared to put yourself out there and actually make any friends. Anxiety is extremely overwhelming and is something that constantly lingers with you, even if it isn't always present. One thing I do all of the time is analyze and overthink everything. It could be a simple comment that someone said about my clothes, hair, body, or even something about my personality and I will think about it. Over. And over. And over. And over. Until that one comment consumes my thoughts, my mind, my everything. I try to think about how I can fix myself so I don't get a comment like that again. I stress. I worry. I ask myself so many questions. What if they are right? What if everyone thinks that about me? Why is everyone looking at me? Are they judging me? Do they hate me? How can I change? How can I fit in? How can I belong? Imagine, one person says that they don't think your outfit matches. You spend the entire day thinking about that one comment from that person, who probably didn't even mean to hurt you. It plays in your mind over and over again until you either let it go or until another thing is there to consume your mind. Just yesterday, a friend of my said she thought I had OCD. And yes, there are some aspects of my life where I am super obsessive about such as how I have to count some things out before I can finish them or how the cards have to be perfectly straight or I can't deal with it. But the fact that she pointed it out made me wonder if everybody thought that. Does everybody think I'm different? What if I am different? How can I fix that? It's like a never-ending rollercoaster through your mind. It makes you dizzy and sick as you keep spiraling down. Eventually it can feel easier to just swim down than try to find your way out. You want to tell someone but then you overthink that too. What if they don't believe me? What if they think I'm overexaggerating? What if they think I'm different? So you keep quiet and learn to live with it. For me, I have some nervous ticks that I do when I am anxious. I constantly crack my knuckles as if the physical popping and the air being released will release the tension that I have in my mind. When I was younger, I used to bite my nails and I had this weird thing where I would make weird sounds from the back of my throat. I also used to, and sometimes still do, listen to my finger move. It sounds really strange, but I put my finger next to my ear and move it up and down to hear a noise. I don't know if these relieve any anxiety for me or if I just use them as something else to focus on. I'm not really sure. And I know I'm not the only one who feels like this. I just haven't been able to find people like me just yet. But maybe now I will. If you experience similar things to what I just talked about, please write a comment telling us your experience with anxiety. I would love to create a community where we can be there for one another and talk about our struggles, because they are real and they are hard to deal with. Let's talk about something people don't like talking about which is mental health. Let us be the ones to start the conversation.
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